No Longer XL

I did something today that I have been putting off. I went to try on clothes. I know that on paper, I have lost several pounds and inches. But in my head, I have really thought that there was no way I would ever be out of these extra large size pants. I know that they are loose and I have been turning over the waistband just to keep them up. But I was afraid. Didn't want to try them on and find they were too tight. So, into the dressing room I go. And they fit.!?!. I didn't need help getting into them, they weren't even tight. They fit and were comfortable. I can wear them AND breathe at the same time.

 OMG!

 

Achievement Unlocked

This tag is going directly into my success box with my rock, ribbons (that measure how many inches I have lost), lab results and weight loss log. 

Stronger

Today marks Day 5 of my training. I still don't like it. But I am doing it. Since I am an athlete now, I had to get gear. Shopping, I like. I bought some weights. Just 5lbs, I'm not completely crazy. Just trying to work on my arms.

I also bought an arm band for my ipod. A stop watch (no, I don't know why, but the trainer had one). And of course, a cute little pink bag to put all my stuff and clothes in.

What I think I look like when I run

What I really look like

Playlist

So, my playlist today has lots of Pink, Kelly Clarkson, and Mandisa. I am struggling with the heat, humidity, hills, and right ankle pain. and Stronger by Mandisa comes on. Don't know if you are familiar with the song so here is a link to hear it. and here are the lyrics: 

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

About halfway through the song, I found myself just running and crying. I can't even explain what a wonderful feeling it was. Not worried about my ankle, the sweat, or the hills. Just me, being stronger. 

The Bracelet

I am a caregiver. A wife, mother, daughter, and nurse. My life has been in service to everyone.....else. My turning point came last when my mother died. She had been sick for many years. Always 1 step away from dying. She had her first heart attack in her 50's (My father had died at age 42 from a massive heart attack). She had recovered only to have another. She had her 2nd major heart attack the day my husband and kids had gone to the fair. It was the first time we had been out of the house to do anything as a family, in probably 2 years. Well, I never left the house again. It was devastating to me. I felt horrible guilt. So, her care was our focus. Then she died. I had to deal with the loss of her and my reason for, well, everything. I suddenly had so much free time. No trips to the doctor, pharmacy, hospital, therapist, or lengthy daily visits.

It has taken a year to begin to come into my own. This includes doing things just for me. When I began this journey, I ordered a bracelet to wear. To remind me on a daily basis, that I need to come first. It says:

I Do This For Me

This immediately became the "It's all about you" bracelet. My husband teased my all the time about it. So I ordered him one too. It's to remind him of what's really important. It says: 

I Do This For Nyght

I Have to Run, Again?

My son and I did a mile on the treadmill yesterday and today, my shins don't work. 

Today is Day 2 of the Desk to 5K training. It looks like rain again. (NC in August always looks like rain). The group didn't meet until 5:30 so I went out at 4:45 and got started without them. I had downloaded an app called 5K Runner. It tells you when to run and when to walk. Problem is, there is no music. just silence until he say Now Run, Now Walk. BORING. I love my Zombies, Run! app but it only plays on my IPAD. And that's too heavy to carry. So I switched over to my playlist and just did my own run/walk thing. I did better than Monday, and felt pretty good too. Still having shin pain and pain in my right ankle. But I stopped several times to get a good stretch and that seemed to help. My goal for the rest of the week is to run/walk another mile at least once more. Still staying on Plan. Next weigh in isn't until next week.

Marathon Woman

So, I have decided to run a marathon. Ok, not a marathon. More like a 5K. Well, exactly like a 5K. My office (the one who told me I was fat), is hosting a Desk to 5K program. And in a moment of insanity, I signed up for it.

I used to run when I was in the Army. But that was many (MANY) years ago. And they yelled and had weapons, so I was actively motivated. Now, not so much. But since this is a journey of saying yes to things, I enlisted.

Today was my first “training session”. A few of us brave souls met up with very young, thin mentors to help teach us to run. Today’s scheduled walk/run was for 1 mile. With us running for 1 minute and walking for 4, alternating until we were done. To let you know what I am dealing with let me say that I “ran” very little. I was mainly focused on living through the session and making it back to the building before the rain started.

I started to quit at least 4 times during the run, but I stuck it out and finished.

Last.

But I did finish.

Bask in my glory with me. 

Addendum: All the glory I had felt hours ago totally disappeared at 4am when I awoke for my bathroom run. When my feet hit the floor, I realized (too late), that they weren't fully functional. I couldn't seem to lift my foot completely off the ground.  Each step was less than graceful and very painful. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.

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Nyght and the Giant Peach

Ok, let’s discuss portion control. It’s always been a big issue for me. I was the one going back for 2nds 3rds and 4ths, if something tasted really good. And honestly, sometimes if it didn’t. I would eat until I was stuffed. That was my signal to stop. If I had trouble breathing, I had had enough.

Under my new plan, I measure everything that goes into my mouth. It was hard at first to believe I could live on just 2oz of rice per meal. But I am actually ok. I am finally realizing that each meal is not my last, so I don’t have to eat like it is.



Let me share with you the difference between a serving size of fruit, in this case, a peach. This is what a regular size peach looks like when compared to the mutant one my hubby brought me looks like.

He figured, if I can only have one peach at a time, it better be a good one. This, is at least twice the size you should be eating. It has been supersized!

So what if you are out and about and need to eyeball a serving. What then?
Follow this easy guide.

And a good rule for meat is:

If they have beef and chicken, choose chicken

If they have chicken and fish, choose fish.

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The Morning After

I decided that since I had only had 1 weigh in session this week, that I would drive to the main center in the area and get a weigh in and a good talking too. I walk in and there is my counselor. I explained what had happened yesterday and she saw it as a victory. I had successfully walked away from my arch nemesis. I survived.

Weight today: 192.5...Down 13.5 since beginning the program (17.5 pounds total).

Measurement down 17.5 inches.

BMI: 38.2...down 3.5

Oh, and my A1C was 5.6 last week at my doctors appointment. The A1C is a measurement of what my average blood sugars have been over the last 3 months. Normal value is 6.5. Yep, that's below normal blood sugar. My doctor was very pleased.

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My Drug of Choice

It has been going well, staying on Plan and continuing to lose. I had a small plateau following my 10 pound mark, but on track now. It is now when I have had my greatest temptation. To fully understand the depth of my temptation, let me explain a little.........

A good portion of what contributed to my weight gain involved Birthday Cake. It started innocently enough, with a birthday. And it was good. The birthday, the cake, the celebration.

It made me feel like this

Then, I had a awesome idea. Why do I have to wait for a birthday to order a birthday cake? So, I went back to Food Lion and ordered another one the following week. Of course, to not look suspicious, I ordered it to say Happy Birthday Edward (I think I was reading Twilight at the time). I was hooked. Every week, I returned to get a new cake, celebrating all my friends, family, pets, and literary characters.

My favorite part of the cake was the frosting. I would scrap off the bottom ring of icing from the cake, and eat it straight, before ever cutting the cake. There was never any frosting left when the cake was gone. I finally had to switch stores (to throw them off my track), when they noted how many birthday parties I plan.

Hello, my name is Nyght and I am addicted to frosting.

So now you know my history, let me introduce you to my present. I work in a cube in the middle of middle floor, in the middle of the building. Usually very quiet, nicely situated between the bathroom and the break room. There is 1 conference room across the hallway. Today, someone had booked the conference room for a baby shower. Yeah, you know it...Those bitches brought cake.

I went into the break room after the party was cleared out, and on top of the trash can was the box. It was big and I sensed frosting. I walked past the box to get to the water dispenser. Filled up my cup. And walked past it again. Heading back to my cube. I made it about halfway there before turning around. I had caught the scent. I went back to the break room and casually looked into the box. Big mistake. All the cake was gone, But there, like a frosting crop circle, was a perfect line of frosting. I stood there for at least 2 minutes just staring at it. then I turned and walked back to my desk.

So I sat there just thinking about the frosting. 

Just one bite of frosting won't kill you..................................It will throw me off plan.
I am a grown woman...................................................I am old enough to know better.
It won't make a big difference in the long run.......I won't be able to stop with one bite.
You are gonna fail anyway..............................................................No, not this time.


I had a tenuous hold on my willpower so I called in back-up. My husband. I quickly explained that I was 2 seconds away from eating frosting out of the trash. He reminded me that I had never eaten off plan, had lost weight and inches. Reminded me how much better I was feeling. By back and knees didn't hurt like it did before I had lost weight. And that he loved me. That did it. I made myself a protein drink put on my headphones and rocked out.

 

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