What Are You Going To Be Next Halloween?

This is the question that plays out in my household every year, immediately following Halloween. And every year the answer is always the same. “I will lose weight and wear something really cute and sexy”. And the following year, in October, I resign myself to knowing that it did not happen.

Last year I purchased a costume called the “Sexy Devil”. Plus Size. 

However, when you put a 5 foot, 200+ pound body into anything, it’s 

not a sexy as you might think it is. 

 

The year before, I was Repunzel.

To avoid detection, this year I stayed mostly in my tower

 

Or behind trees.

Yes, a large part of that was my hair. Which I also hid behind. 

The year before, I was a hippy. VERY hippy, LOL.

This morning as I was walking to my car, my hubby asked, 

“So, what are you going to be for Halloween?” 

I smiled as I replied, “Thinner”. 

My Heart Skips A Beat

So, I went out for my first run since being grounded. I ran for 3 minutes and it actually felt wonderful. Then I walked for 2 minutes and started my second run. As soon as I started, the pain in my ankle returned. I called the Doctors office and made a follow-up appointment. To discuss, my ankle.

I showed up and explained the pain to the intake nurse as she took my vitals. She listened politely then left and returned with an EKG machine. !? And the Doctor, who asked me to remove my shirt. I explained that I was here for my ankle. And he explained that I was now there to discuss my heart rate being 40 and irregular. Ok. 

So the good news is, I am not having a heart attack. The bad news is, I have to wear a heart monitor for the next month to try and figure out what is going on.

No Longer XL

I did something today that I have been putting off. I went to try on clothes. I know that on paper, I have lost several pounds and inches. But in my head, I have really thought that there was no way I would ever be out of these extra large size pants. I know that they are loose and I have been turning over the waistband just to keep them up. But I was afraid. Didn't want to try them on and find they were too tight. So, into the dressing room I go. And they fit.!?!. I didn't need help getting into them, they weren't even tight. They fit and were comfortable. I can wear them AND breathe at the same time.

 OMG!

 

Achievement Unlocked

This tag is going directly into my success box with my rock, ribbons (that measure how many inches I have lost), lab results and weight loss log. 

Stronger

Today marks Day 5 of my training. I still don't like it. But I am doing it. Since I am an athlete now, I had to get gear. Shopping, I like. I bought some weights. Just 5lbs, I'm not completely crazy. Just trying to work on my arms.

I also bought an arm band for my ipod. A stop watch (no, I don't know why, but the trainer had one). And of course, a cute little pink bag to put all my stuff and clothes in.

What I think I look like when I run

What I really look like

Playlist

So, my playlist today has lots of Pink, Kelly Clarkson, and Mandisa. I am struggling with the heat, humidity, hills, and right ankle pain. and Stronger by Mandisa comes on. Don't know if you are familiar with the song so here is a link to hear it. and here are the lyrics: 

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

About halfway through the song, I found myself just running and crying. I can't even explain what a wonderful feeling it was. Not worried about my ankle, the sweat, or the hills. Just me, being stronger. 

The Bracelet

I am a caregiver. A wife, mother, daughter, and nurse. My life has been in service to everyone.....else. My turning point came last when my mother died. She had been sick for many years. Always 1 step away from dying. She had her first heart attack in her 50's (My father had died at age 42 from a massive heart attack). She had recovered only to have another. She had her 2nd major heart attack the day my husband and kids had gone to the fair. It was the first time we had been out of the house to do anything as a family, in probably 2 years. Well, I never left the house again. It was devastating to me. I felt horrible guilt. So, her care was our focus. Then she died. I had to deal with the loss of her and my reason for, well, everything. I suddenly had so much free time. No trips to the doctor, pharmacy, hospital, therapist, or lengthy daily visits.

It has taken a year to begin to come into my own. This includes doing things just for me. When I began this journey, I ordered a bracelet to wear. To remind me on a daily basis, that I need to come first. It says:

I Do This For Me

This immediately became the "It's all about you" bracelet. My husband teased my all the time about it. So I ordered him one too. It's to remind him of what's really important. It says: 

I Do This For Nyght

I Have to Run, Again?

My son and I did a mile on the treadmill yesterday and today, my shins don't work. 

Today is Day 2 of the Desk to 5K training. It looks like rain again. (NC in August always looks like rain). The group didn't meet until 5:30 so I went out at 4:45 and got started without them. I had downloaded an app called 5K Runner. It tells you when to run and when to walk. Problem is, there is no music. just silence until he say Now Run, Now Walk. BORING. I love my Zombies, Run! app but it only plays on my IPAD. And that's too heavy to carry. So I switched over to my playlist and just did my own run/walk thing. I did better than Monday, and felt pretty good too. Still having shin pain and pain in my right ankle. But I stopped several times to get a good stretch and that seemed to help. My goal for the rest of the week is to run/walk another mile at least once more. Still staying on Plan. Next weigh in isn't until next week.

Marathon Woman

So, I have decided to run a marathon. Ok, not a marathon. More like a 5K. Well, exactly like a 5K. My office (the one who told me I was fat), is hosting a Desk to 5K program. And in a moment of insanity, I signed up for it.

I used to run when I was in the Army. But that was many (MANY) years ago. And they yelled and had weapons, so I was actively motivated. Now, not so much. But since this is a journey of saying yes to things, I enlisted.

Today was my first “training session”. A few of us brave souls met up with very young, thin mentors to help teach us to run. Today’s scheduled walk/run was for 1 mile. With us running for 1 minute and walking for 4, alternating until we were done. To let you know what I am dealing with let me say that I “ran” very little. I was mainly focused on living through the session and making it back to the building before the rain started.

I started to quit at least 4 times during the run, but I stuck it out and finished.

Last.

But I did finish.

Bask in my glory with me. 

Addendum: All the glory I had felt hours ago totally disappeared at 4am when I awoke for my bathroom run. When my feet hit the floor, I realized (too late), that they weren't fully functional. I couldn't seem to lift my foot completely off the ground.  Each step was less than graceful and very painful. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.

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